Friday, December 4, 2009

Seattle is colorful

Almost every day I step outside of my office to take myself away from the of the every-day work-related hassles, to walk myself down the street and find myself something to eat. While I could make this blog entry about some of the (many) great eateries in and around the Seattle area, I am instead going to use this time to describe some of the many, many colorful sights I see on my daily constitutional.

Imagine my horror when I looked down while patiently waiting at the crosswalk to see an uncomfortable large woman also waiting to cross the street, wearing a pair of yellow fleece-lined black Crocks. The very concept of Crocks is inherently wrong and upsetting, but fleece-lined Crocks with contrasting and garish colors is truly disturbing. Whoever thought of that should be shot on sight. Whoever willingly bought those things should be tranquilized and collected into an area wear they can be retrained in their choice of footwear. While I watched this woman waddle uncomfortably toward the other side of the street, I couldn't help but feel like it was my duty to tell her the error of her ways. The only thing that held me back from doing this was the fact that this woman could obviously take me down and crush the life out of me.

After such a disturbing sight, I entered the supermarket with a newly diminished appetite and a slight headache. I made my way to the sodium filled snacks and made my way to the checkout. While in line to purchase my food I was confronted by yet another VERY disturbing sight. A very, very large man in full drag and makeup. While I completely support anyone’s right to be who they are and to express themselves, however, if you’re going to express yourself in public I would hope that they would want to do it in a flattering way. If you’re going to make the life decision to become a woman, then go all the way and adopt a sense of fashion as well. It seems that if you’re going to take the time to paint your nails, grow out your hair, and squeeze your man feet into a pair of size 12 narrow heels, then make sure to coordinate your outfit in an appropriate size and choose makeup that compliments the decision you have made in life. Wearing makeup that screams “Hey! I am a man dressed as a woman with a 5 o’clock shadow! Please notice me” is not really a great face to put forward (literally).

Finally on my way back to the office after being thoroughly weirded out I noticed on the same corner as Crock lady was a gentlemen dressed in scrubs holding two leashes. At the end of both of these leashes were two squirrelly looking ferrets in little harnesses. Both ferrets were wearing what looked like tube socks as sweaters to keep them warm. I didn’t want to get too close for fear that they would want to run up my leg, look me in the eye with their beady little red devil eyes, and bite me with their evil little mouths. I am not a big fan of ferrets as you can tell, I am even less of a fan of ferrets on a leash out in public on the street.

I do take a little bit of solace in the fact that these are things happening around me and I am not the one wearing fleece-lined Crocks, walking ferrets, or dressed in an inappropriately matched outfit. However, it does make me worry that I am in for more and more of these delightful encounters before my time in Seattle comes to a close.

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