The Devine Honda

I was brought up in a pretty religious home, where every Sunday we attended church and then Sunday school. Most people remember that being a child and going to church, wasn’t exactly a weekend treat. You were forced from your slumber, in order to be dressed in your best cloths (which were always too big/small, way too itchy, and usually involved some sort of embarrassing ensemble that could be used as blackmail material should anyone get a picture) to try and sit still for a couple of excruciatingly boring hours, with about 200 old people who smelled funny. No wonder so many kids rebel. It is now my belief, that one’s individual beliefs and religious dedications are that persons business, and that person’s alone. History and wars have taught us, though there are many unique beliefs throughout the world, not everyone is going to agree with our own.

A customer came in our drive through only once, that I have ever seen, and I will never forget the experience as long as I live. It was one of those truly distinct moments which permanently etch themselves into your brain. It wasn’t so much the guy himself, but his car. He drove a blue Honda Accord (I’m not sure of the year) that was either a drastic expression of religious devotion or a psychotic obsession. Either way, it was pretty damn cool.

On the roof of the car was painted a likeness of Jesus in his youthful carpenter days, while the rest of the car was adorned with random likenesses of Jesus, and the Virgin Mary of various colors, sizes and shapes, each more tacky then the next (some were even welded on complete with gold lame frame for a 3D effect.) Further inspection of the inside of the car, revealed an even more tacky collection of Jesus paraphernalia, which I couldn’t decided to be interesting or insulting. Along the inside of the back window was a string of Jesus Christmas lights all lit up and smiling, and underneath these lay a collection of figurines that were both big and small (complete with a water into wine Jesus action figure).

I was jealous. Anyone who had seen this car would inevitably agree, that they too were jealous of the man’s toys and collectibles. I however, was more jealous of the concept of the car and just what it represented. Now don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean that I want to cruise around in a vehicle that is the clinical definition of “bonkers”. I was jealous of his remarkable ability to completely disregard any and all social conformities and expressively embrace his quirkiness to the world…or at least to Ballard, and Lower Queen Anne. Besides, you really kind of do need to respect anyone who can not only find, but have the balls to display in their car’s rear shelf, a bauble-head Jesus doll.

Upon further introspection I have to wonder if the owner of the Jesus-mobile actually pumps his own gas, or if it’s supplied by immaculate fuel-injection.